i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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