So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
