But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Michael Bay diarrhea
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
