he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
