apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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