My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize