The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize