sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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