Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
