I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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