i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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