We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
