Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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