what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
