do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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