So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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