me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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