So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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