at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
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Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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