the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
