I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize