i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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