I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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