i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize