She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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