Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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