Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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