He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
