Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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