you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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