I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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