In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
