Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think my tv is drunk
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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