I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
