take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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