Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
