I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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