No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
