I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
