just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.