The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.