Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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