You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
where are you?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.