So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.