i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
