he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
