Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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