hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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