My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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