what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
