Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
even my farts smell like vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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