you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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