Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize