dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize