My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
