I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
