my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize