i'm lost and i look like a hooker
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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