Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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