cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
