he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
