i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
