do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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