i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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