I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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