Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
