Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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