I faked an abortion last night.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
