People with herpes should wear stickers.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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