I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
