Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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