There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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