Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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