soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
