Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
