i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
