a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
