I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
