The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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