Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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